Kids

So I know how easy it is to look at other people, raising their children, in only the instances that I see and make judgments, but it is a hard thing not to do. I think that overall Americans are known for dressing lax, speaking loudly and wanting to be the center of attention and having bratty spoiled children. Perhaps I have no proof for the last one, except my own experience of growing up in the United States. The following are a few thoughts and feelings that I have on raising my own children based on what I have seen and learned in the United States, Europe, and educational studies and teaching.

There are a few things though that I really want to stick by when I have children (perhaps I should not have this in writing, but none the less I shall for the sake of you getting inside of my head and possible humor)

1) Do not have candy, sweets or soda around the house. I am not saying that my kids will not be able to eat any of that ever, but I think it is important to have a home environment that does not endorse it. I also think it is important not to award behavior with these kinds of treats. If your kid does something good, do not say hey let’s go get ice cream or stop at McDonald’s as this will get the child to think that those are the ultimate reward and they will only do things to get that reward.

2) After the child has gotten old enough to have their own little personality learn to say no and stick to it. I am sure that this is extremely hard coming from the child crying due to needing something to the child crying because they want something but no means no. I am sitting here on the train and this little girl wanted sweets and the mom said no. She threw an all-out tantrum, body flailing, legs stomping and the crocodile tears came. The mother gave in. The girl wanted to talk on the phone, the mother said no, the same thing happened and the girl got the phone. This happened a few more times and it is like – you are raising a spoiled brat!! At this age it is hard for the mother to say no though, as the tantrums are just embarrassing in public places. I would have picked her up, brought her to the outside of the car and let her scream and cry all she wanted.

3) Speak softly. I have heard this in the states and seen it work where a child who is upset or not listening is screaming and running all around and the parent gets their attention and almost whispers. It is amazing how the child will quiet down and come in close to listen to what you have to say. I think that it is important to be able to speak to your children and not yell at them, especially when they are upset. I know that this will be hard for me as I come from a family who yells and I personally raise my voice when I am not being heard (yes, raise my voice not yell, and yes this is often).

4) The French seem to treat their children as adults and expect them to take on the roles that they are given. Americans seem to treat their children as babies and are upset when they grow out of the baby role, letting them get away with childish and ridiculous behavior. I have seen French people who let their kids run, run on raised surfaces, sit on the ground of a train, touch everything they can find, play with arm rests, and wander off in the park and beach. Although I am not okay with letting your kid wander off so far that you cannot see them getting into the street, I think that it is good to let them explore and see new things. If you tell them not to touch this or that, they will not learn they will just learn to listen and eventually they will question and not necessarily listen when it is important.